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Grapevine Christmas 1999 From the President Welcome one and all to this years annual dinner - hope you all have a wonderful time and enjoy yourselves. This year should be especially pleasant as you will not have to listen to drunken New Zealanders telling you how wonderful their team is! This year the Exiles again went to a new destination for the annual tour, Budapest, with the largest number yet, 32. The tours have become very succesful and agood way for the club to bond and get to know one another and promote rugby in Denmark. It is NOT a four day piss-up although very occasionally it might feel like it. After summer, we played in the new 1st division having won the 2nd division again. The results were a little disappointing but considering the number of regular players we lost in such a short time this was to be expected. The good news is that the club has received many new players to replace them. Interesting that nearly all our Irish players left at the same time to be replaced by Frenchmen. In Chinise terms, goodbye to the year of the potato and hello to the year of the cockerel. One of those who left us was our Club Captain, Paul Malone, after 9 years in Denmark who will be sourly missed not only on the pitch - he was top try scorer once - but also for his work on the committee. What does the future hold? The club is hoping to field 2 sides for the start of the season due to the large influx of new members. The old boys team is up and running thanks to the work of Charlie S. New rugby posts are on their way and it is hoped to move the pitch to a new area of the field at Lundtofte. The annual tour is in hand and the coach has been on a new training course. So the club is ready - all you have to do is come training, play rugby, enjoy the social events and volunteer to help out where you can. It takes an enourmous amount of effort to run the club on a daily basis and match days can be hell. A few good men (and getting fewer) donate a lotof time to ensure things run smoothly - give them a hand! Matt King President Joke The brand new full-back was proving to be big disappointment and Crispin went up to him at just before half-time and said, 'Matt’s going to pull you off at half-time.' 'Great!' said the new full-back. 'We only got oranges at my old club!' Club Captains Bit This has been a great year for the Exiles, again winning the Second Division East, and participating fully in the First Division for the first time ever. In the old days, we were allowed to take part in the 1ST division, but were unable to win it due the number of overseas players in the team. Thanks God those days are over! With Matt giving us great coaching at every opportunity and being lead on the field by both Crispin and Matt Prior we showed that we are capable to be in the higher echelons of Danish rugby. We do need to be a little fitter and get ourselves a bit more discipline, but this will come with time, and I feel that next year the Exiles will be competing for the title. Well done to Matt K, Crispin and Matt P. On a social front we had many events, from bowling to BBQ’s to 60th parties and the memorable Pub Crawl. The tour was a huge success, with more people than ever attending, 32 I believe. Those of you who were virgin tourists saw first hand the fun people have on the tour as several past players joined us from overseas. This is a testament to the Club and the running of it as a whole. Brett deserves a big clap for all his work for these events and not forgetting the End of Year party, which takes a lot of organizing. I’m looking forward to joining you all on tour next year, and maybe we’ll take to the airways again ! The Club itself has gotten very strong this year. Tim C keep things ticking along smoothly for us an makes sure we don’t offend too many people in the DRU circles. The Web site is a great source of recruitment and Tim does a good job maintaining this. Mark L has performed well in his first year in the Club and on the committee, leading as Captain on a few occasions and getting all the paper work done for you guys so you can play. Well done to you both also. AND who can forget the discretion of Stumpy "give me your money" Soelvhoej, keeping our finances intact over several years, building a new house for himself and buying a few new carsÉgreat job this treasurer! We are looking very good as we approach the new millenium, (Y2K complient..could not resist). Everybody has done a great job this year, and I’m sure that next years committee will be equally successful. It’s only after you leave a club like the Exiles and join another that you realize what the Club is all about. It’s more than just a rugby club, it’s a way for people to acclimatize themselves to living in a new country (for many of us anyway), to meet people, and get bloody arseholed drunk on weekends. I know the club will go on for a long long time to come and I look forward to meeting you all next time I’m over. On a personal note I’d like to everybody for coming down to the John Bull and giving me a great sending off, it was a very memorable night (I think!) and for 8 great seasons in what is definitely one of the best rugby clubs I have played in. Paul Malone Charlie asks... Anybody who would like to play for an Exiles second team next year? Perhaps a mix of old and new players to play approximately six games. I have five players who have said yes,up to now, so it`s looking good with all the new players we should be able to field a team. Keep turning up at training and keep the first teamers on their toes. Joke A man walks into a bar - he sits down and orders a drink. The bar man gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl. "You look great tonight!" it said, "You really look fantastic.... and that aftershave is just wonderful!" The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it. Realising he has no cigarettes he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, a different voice emits from the fag machine. "You TWAT, you total WASTE OF F****** SPACE..........Do you know, you're really F******* UGLY." By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the barman for an explanation. "Ah yes sir," the barman responds, "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order." That Was The Year That Was Quite literally a year of two halves. The first half of the year being the second part of the 98-99 season, where the Exiles were looking to win the second division so they could have the choice of going up to the first division if they wished. The campaign started off on the wrong foot with a 22-5 away loss to Hamlet, not to be deterred though the Exiles got their act together and won the next two games 51-5 and 49-0 against Hundested and Frederiksberg respectively. With confidence high, the next game was against our good friends Speed, a close game that was eventually lost 24-13. With a bad tempered win, 29-0 over CSR, it set up a grand finale against Hamlet at Lundtofte. To be sure of the chance for the first division this game had to be won, and so it was 34-8, it was a very good performance from the Exiles, probably the best of the season. So now the Exiles had the choice of playing in the first division, there were pros and cons for going up or staying down, but I believe the right decision was taken and trying to compete in the first division. The first game in the first division was against Lindø away, for 60 minutes the score was 12-3, but eventually their superior fitness showed and the Exiles went down, 47-3. The second game was against Speed, and the Exiles knew they were in with a chance as they had been pushing Speed close in recent matches, but again a disappointing result in a loss of 12-27. Next came the mighty Frederiksberg, and in horrible conditions the Exiles managed to put up a very credible fight (Thanks Mark L), but still lost 45-0. Just to show that the Exiles are gluttons for punishment, they played Frederiksberg again the week after and due to a somewhat weakened Exiles side (Due to England playing some team in the World Cup that can't even beat France), the Exiles lost 71-5. On came Speed again and this time the Exiles were really up for it, determined to get at least one win this half season, but alas no. A close game, that the Exiles could have won with a penalty in the last minute, but the victory slipped away to a 12-10 loss. So to the last game of the season, Lindø at Lundtofte. The Exiles wanted to start the game with a bang, but unfortunately it was more a damp squib. With the score being 29-0 at half time, the final score showed the Exiles true spirit, 41-7. So that was the year, 4 from 12 league games won, 282 points conceded, 218 points scored and 46 players representing the Exiles. Other notable points this year was the rugby festival that was Percy Hanna’s 60th birthday, a great day of rugby and beer in the sun and of course the tour to Budapest, which naturally I will say nothing about. Also sad to see a few people leave this year, Ray Mc, Paul Turley, Paul Smith, John Cashman, Chris Gunsten and of course the irrepressible Paul Malone. The club is a quieter place without you all. Personally I would like to thank all the committee members, Matt P and Paul T for the great work they have done as vice-captains and all the players for making it an enjoyable year of rugby. Crispin Hawes Bored during meetings? Why not try some of these neat little exercises. Not only will it make meetings more interesting but your fellow work mates will become suddenly more alert and maintain a respectful distance: During a meeting: Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper: 'can you feel it?' from the corner of your mouth Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the person next to you for their approval When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute half a biscuit to each of the attendees. Wear a hands free phone headset throughout. Once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation, such as: 'I don't care if there are no dwarfs, just get the show done!' Write the words 'he fancies you' on your pad and show it to the person next to you while indicating with your pen Respond to a serious question with: 'I don't know what to say, obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast' Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' & 'Charlie don't surf' Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs then avoid sitting on it when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it, cover your mouth and gasp Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs stretched out. Announce that you 'love this dirty town' Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him for 1 minute Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat Reflect sunlight into everyones eyes off your watch face Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your hand like a chattering mouth Hum 'We'll meet again' throughout Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses that white out your eyes Drop meaningless & confusing management speak into cnversations such as: 'what's the margin, marvin?' 'When's this turkey going to get basted?' 'If we don't get this brook babbling we're all going to end up looking like doe-eyed labradors' Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda. Then hand out pieces of paper that read: My secret agenda 1. Trample the weak 2. Triumph alone 3. Invade Poland. Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch When referring to someone in the room always call them your 'homey' Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is prompted to interject shout 'I AM NOT FINISHED' VC’s piece Well done to everybody who particpated in our first venture into the 1st division for some time. We didn’t manage to win a game, but the spirit and determination we showed against some of the best clubs in the country will stand us in good stead for next season. We also proved against Speed that we are well capable of competing at the top level. We were unfortunate to lose some key players for the later part of the season, due toWorld Cup Rugby and Overseas Operations, but we had the arrival of Pete, Chris, Andreus and Co. to bolster the squad and in recent weeks we have seen many more faces,[(alot French) which is nice,] joining the club. This puts us in an excellent position (in terms of depth of squad) for the next season. There is an increased number of teams in our division therefore an increased amount of games, and with probable injuries, suspensions!!!!, work commimtments etc.the more players the better. We have one goal, hammer Speed and win the league comfortably.The likes of Hamlet, CSR and Hundested will not be easy games but should be forgone conclusions. Maybe a bit like England beating Scotland at Wembley or Newzealand beating France in the World Cup, who knows? We had many interesting games last season and played some fine rugby. We were desperateley unlucky not to win at Speed, but it wasn’t to be. This season I am very confident we will reverse the results, no problem. I must also mention the reckless incedent in which I punched an opposition player in front of our favourite referee, big mistake. I do apologise, but you played better with 14 men. Et stort farvel og tak til den deprimerende dårlige dommer. Stig Tangmann has retired! Good luck to Stig in the future , we will all miss him. (not!) Maybe now, Tim Clements will not be getting sent off anymore (CSR 1998), I can start looking forward to playing a full eighty minutes of rugby and Crispin and I can have our own identities back (Hundested 1997). See you all on the 27th November for a great party. Have a wicked Christmas and a mad Newyear. Matt Prior VIZ Top Tips List Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance. Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f*****g thing in the first place, you fat bastards. Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend's a*se, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them. Dyslexics. Try deliberately spelling words wrongly. This way at least you have a chance of spelling them correctly. Bearded men can obtain the appearance of an upper class Arctic explorer by simply applying Tippex to their beards, painting their noses blue, and cutting off a couple of toes. It never fails to impress the girls. If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed. Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident. Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath. Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in. Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get p*ssed, lie in a sandpit in your garden and sh*g every bloke who looks at you over the fence. X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously erased'. Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon. Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view. Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place. An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower. Sweetcorn fans. Save money on loo paper by simply pouring the stuff straight down the pan. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply p*ss*ng in the sink. Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag from the butt of your last one. Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of 'rodeo sex'. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her jugs, call her by the wrong name. See how long you can 'stay mounted' for. Social stuff So this is the last, glorious event of the social calendar and I hope you all enjoy it. As you might expect from the social secretary, I have played virtually no part in organising the Dinner & Dance. ’As useful as tits on a bull’, as the paddies say. So a warm thanks to the committee and Charlie for a sterling effort. And if anything does go wrong, remember it wasn’t my fault. As team captain last year I apparently forgot to say thanks to Crispin for his great vice work so I’ll say it now. Thanks, geezer. And to both yourself and Angie for sticking your necks out and letting the Exiles hold their annual do in your basement. You can both hold your annual do in my basement anytimeÉ It’s been another good year for social events. When was it ever not a good year with the Exiles? We received a few touring sides with mixed blessings. Perhaps the only downer was the group of visiting Italians who, far from showing their mythical ’joie-de-vivre’, could hardly stop finding something to moan about including the absence of a doctor and ambulance at the game, the price of beer compared to Italy, the hotel (which they booked) and the fact that they had to skull a beer instead of a Chianti Classico after the game. The Good Old Boys was a bad experience for another reason - they weren’t at all old but they were extremely good and stuffed us accordingly. The Budapest tour was a good laugh so I hear, though Tod reliably informs me that we should have turned left at the lights instead of right one night. When I’m older and wiser I’ll still be making the same mistakes, hopefully. Mind you, at least I made it to the airport. With countrymen like Paul Turley and Ray McMahon, it makes you wonder how Ireland managed to get so many people emigrated. They’re safely under lock and key in Dublin now soÉGood Luck! They’ll be missed both as players and ’socially-active’ Exiles, as indeed will John Cashman and Paul Malone, our loss and Dublin’s gain. Percy Hanna’s 60th barbecue passed with not a dry eye in the changing rooms at Lundtofte, I heard. Well done Perce! I’ll be lucky if I can still run at the age of 40 let alone 60. The summer saunter soon became an autumn amble and the light was certainly fading fast in a few of the faces that turned up at the end of the pub-crawl in The Globe that night. It was a great effort with 54 participants, not one of them French, though! It’s all very well producing the likes of Sartre, Descartes, Joan of Arc and Matisse but where are they all when you need them for a piss-up? No culture, if you ask meÉ It’s always funny checking the answers and the scorecards after the pub-crawl. How some of you managed to drink pints in the Toga bar or Bobi’s is beyond me. Some of you, especially Mark Ronan, made a complete fist of it. Or was that only in Café Sebastian? Big thank you’s to Brian Mac from the Globe, Aussie Bill from the Southern Cross and Gus from the Dubliner for providing room, food and prizes for us. Still to come, we have is-he-isn’t-he Exile Roland Jones doing a pub quiz in the new year. Which only leaves me to retire from the post. Thanks for your support and good luck to the new incumbent. It’s not, I can assure you, a tedious job. Brett Thomas Social Manipulator (Dishons.) Match Report - Exiles v Speed 22-05-99 Result - 12 - 27 Half time - 5 - 8 T - Nigel, John C C - Nick B An important game for the Exiles as this was probably the best chance of a win in this half of the season and it was a win that was very much wanted by all. The Exiles started well, with good defence in the backs, allowing the Exiles to get numerous turnovers and eventually this lead to an early try for Nigel. This spurred Speed on and after a missed tackle from the Exiles they went over for a try, leaving the score at 5 - 5. There was some good rugby played by both sides, with some great tackles by Nigel and Mark L keeping the Speed attacks at bay. But eventually the Exiles had to give away a penalty, thus allowing Speed to score. This left the half-time score at 5 -8 in Speeds favour. The second half started well for the Exiles with the forwards showing some good support play and running off the rucks to force the Speed defence back, this pressure allowed John C to jink over for a score early on in the half. This was converted by Nick B to leave the Exiles 12 - 5 up and looking good for it. Up until 20 minutes from the final whistle the Exiles looked to be in control, scrums were solid, lineouts were won and tackles were being made. Then came two lapses of concentration that cost the Exiles the game. The first was a quickly taken penalty by Speed, with no Exiles reacting the Speed player dived over for a score, virtually unchallenged. Then five minutes later, another quickly taken penalty cost the Exiles dear, as Speed simply passed the ball to their unmarked Number eight on the wing who crashed over for another score. This left the score 8 - 20 with only a few minutes remaining. Speed then put together some good interpassing and support play to cross the Exiles line once more, to leave the final score 12 - 27. This was a game the Exiles really should have won and they would have but for two lapses of concentration. Man of the match was Nigel, with Matt P second and Mark R third. Team - Johan, Tod, Mark R, Crispin, John C, Cyrille, Matt P, Leo, Dave D, Nick B, Nigel, Mark L, Eric, Brett, Malcolm, Paul M, Nicolas, Pete, Fabien, Chris, Cliffy. The real reason the All Blacks lost Actual transcript of the half time talk by John Hart to the ABs at Twikenham, World Cup Semi Finals 1999: Hart: Well boys, things haven't gone too well in the first half. We're only up 14 points on these frogs. But don't worry, I know what we're doingwrong. Mertz? Andrew Merthens: Yeah John? Hart: I'm a bit disappointed with your stats. You're running 42% - 58% passes to kicks. It's too high. From now on I want you to kick the ball straight down their throat. The frenchies have been catching everything without any trouble so far, but I've got a real strong feeling they're gonna start dropping it soon. I want to get that percentage up to about 80 percent kicks. When you do pass it, for Christ's sakes keep it away from Jonahs wing. The man's already had to score 2 tries, and I don't want him getting too tired for the final. Jonah? Jonah Lomu:Yeah John? Hart: I'm a bit disappointed with your sense of sportsmanship. Every time you've had the ball you've gone straight at the smallest man on the field and knocked the crap out of him. It's not fair. I've told Mertz not to throw the ball your way, but if you do get it, I want you to pick out a bunch of big men in blue jerseys, preferably the front row, and run straight intothem. Alama? Alama Iremia: Yeah coach? Hart: Good work, every time you've got the ball you've run straight into 2 or three big frenchies and had the piss kicked out of you. That's the stuff we like to see. Keep it up. You've done it so many times now that it's the last thing they'll expect. If anything, try and get a bit closer to the rucks, because Robins getting a bit old and can't be arsed running all the way out the break downs. Jonah, you should take a leaf out of Alamas book. Jeff, how are you feeling? Jeff Wilson: OK, a bit nervous though John. Hart: Yeah, it shows. Have a drag on this joint, it'll take the edge off. Jeff Wilson: Thanks Coach. Hart: Give Tana a toke too, it'll give him courage under the high ball. Jeze you look good with that black collar Jeff...if I was 20 years younger...anyway. Anton? Anton Oliver: Yes John? Hart: Fantastic work mate. Every lineout's a lottery! You've got that ball flapping round like a dunny door in a nor-wester, nobody has a bloody clue where it's going to land. It's exciting stuff. The crowd are loving it. Keep it up. Anton Oliver: Gee thanks John. I thought I was messing things up there. Hart: Hey, you're an artist mate, you're an innovator. That's leading edge stuff. No one has ever thought of throwing the ball like it was a sack of pig shit before. Brilliant! I think that if you close the other eye as well, the effect would be true art. Anton Oliver: Cheers John, I'll give it a try. Hart: Backs, It looks like you aren't having any luck getting the fundamentals like catching the ball right. Stick at it for another quarter, and if you still haven't nailed it, try some of the difficult moves we tried at practice. I'll probably put Darrel on in the last quarter to give Alama a rest, so wait until then. With a cold pair of hands on the field, the move is bound to come off perfectly. And remember, keep it away from Jonahs wing. Josh, Norm, good work rate. The rest of you forwards can basically relax and do sod all this half. Josh and Norm have got it covered OK? If it looks like the frogs are going to get a try and you can't be stuffed tackling, either give away a stupid penalty or just let them run around you OK? Secretary’s journal Nothing really new to report apart from the usual mass of correspondence about disciplinary issues, cancelled matches in 3rd division West (yes there is one), and results and fixtures for Under 17’s, 15’s, 12’s, 8’s ,5’s, etc. A lot is now done using email which makes life a whole lot easier. The committee can easily exchange views and make executive decisions without having to face one another. A lot of our recruiting is now done via our website. There are quite a few attending the dinner who stumbled across exiles.dk, saw the last update was 2 years earlier, yet still decided to join the club. Without wanting to blow any trumpets, we’ve had our website since May 1995 and I hear Speed will be launching their’s on Jan 1, 2000. Says a lot really. Don’t worry, Exiles’ webmaster will also be rolling out a new look site around that time (heard that one before?) that will aim to attract anybody who types “rugby in Denmark?” or other similar terms in any search engine or similar web mechanism. The site will have a number of “sticky” features (look it up online, Crispin). Big thanks should go to our shirt sponsors this year, Midas for the tour shirts (great design - well done Brett), and the John Bull Pub (great design - well done Charlie). We’re still looking for sponsors for the website (ca. 2.500 kr per year) and the 1st (and 2nd) team shirts. We’re currently in deep negotiations with but if anybody is willing to write us a cheque tonight we’ll gratefully accept it. Tim Clements Match Report - Speed v Exiles (16-10-99) Score - FT 12 - 10 (HT 7 - 5) T - Cliffy, Pete An important game for the Exiles, as the previous game against Speed saw the Exiles run out losers to an unjustified 27 - 12. With the squad virtually at full strength (Some twenty-three players), it had the potential to be a close and compelling game. The weather was dry and fine, in fact perfect rugby weather. The game started with an Exiles kick off, into the sun but with a wind advantage. The Exiles tried to play their game plan that they have used (and practiced) all season. From second or third phase possession, to have options of either a forward hanging off and punching over the game line close to the breakdown or to spin the ball out to the backs and set up another phase from there. When the Exiles had the ball they made good use of it, with good back moves, the rucking game going well and winning their own lineout ball. But the defence was looking suspect, with too many Exiles tackling high and not getting the player and/or ball onto the ground. This is how the first score came about, Speed had the Exiles under pressure for a few minutes and they set up a ruck that sucked in too many Exile forwards. The ball was then spun out along the backs and as they bought the fall back into the line, an overlap was created and the Speed winger went over for the score. This try was converted and the score was 7-0. The Exiles responded well and were camped in the Speed 22 for a considerable time, a clever kick by Paul M got the Exiles a lineout two yards from the Speed try line. From the ensuing line out, Speed threw the ball to the back of the lineout that was missed by their jumper and Cliffy being alert as usual pounced through onto the ball for a great opportunists try. The conversion was missed and so left the score at 7-5. Then a turning point on the game happened, Mark L took offence at some speed players, so tried to explain to them the finer points of Canadian rugby. At this point Matt P thought he would back up Mark L by running twenty meters and join the meeting, needless to say Matt P was unjustly carded and sent off. Down to fourteen men and seven in the scrum the forwards continued to play well and hold there own until the whistle went for half time. The second half started with the Exiles in determined mood and not wanting the numerical advantage that Speed had to show. But after a while the extra player did create a difference and Speed went over for another score, with the missed conversion it left the score at 12- 5. Then another fracas erupted and this time a Speed player was given his marching orders, so that levelled the numbers up at fourteen each. Now the Exiles really were up against it, they tackled like demons in both the forwards and backs and threw back many Speed attacks and eventually they managed to work their way into the Speed half and keep some pressure on them. Soon this pressure told and with the ball going along the back line, Pete on the wing went over for a try. Pete attempted to level the scores with the conversion but unfortunately the ball didn’t go over. With great spirit the Exiles controlled the next five minutes, but could not get over the Speed try line. Then after many appeals the referee finally gave a penalty for Speed being offside. Nick B stepped up to kick the points with virtually the last kick of the game, but again the kick was unsuccessful. So the final score stayed at 12-10 in Speeds favour. This game was particularly poignant, as it was Paul Malone's last game for the Exiles. After eight years an Exile member and five on the committee, Paul is leaving for the sunny climes of Dublin. He will be sorely missed by all and has been a great ambassador for the Exiles club. Man of the match was Tod with five votes, Chris and Cliffy were joint second with four votes apiece. Team - Tim C, Tod, Johan, Crispin, Mickie A, Cliffy, Matt P, Cyrille, Nicolas, Paul M, Jon O, Nigel, Chris, Mark L, Malcolm, Eric, Nick B, Pete, Andreas, Fabien, Jesper, Andy. My legacy to the Exiles - Cyrille MAAAdeleine a les pieds d’cochon chorus: Pieds d’cochon, Marie Madeleine MAAAdeleine a les mollets ronds chorus MAAAdeleine a les genoux cagneux chorus MAAAdeleine a les cuisses crasseuses chorus MAAAdeleine a le vagin rouillé chorus MAAAdeleine a le ventre rond chorus MAAAdeleine a les seins qui tombent chorus MAAAdeleine a un cou de girafe chorus MAAAdeleine a les yeux qui louchent chorus MAAAdeleine est la femme que j’aime chorus Match Report - Frederiksberg v Exiles Result - 71 - 5 (Half time - 30 - 0) T - Cyrille This was a game that was always going to be tough for the Exiles, as only two weeks previously the Exiles played Frederiksberg and lost 45 - 0. Added to this there were several regular Exiles players unavailable as they were watching England lose to some South Sea Islanders at Twickenham. Not to go into too many gory details the Exiles lost 71 - 5, to a very good and well-drilled Frederiksberg side. But that is not to say there were no good points to come from the game. Jens and Andy both made their Exiles debuts and put in very credible performances, it was Jens first game of rugby ever. The Exiles pack actually scrummaged well and stand in hooker Matt P did a great job in the tight. The Exiles try came from the irrepressible Cyrille, with a great interception and sprint for the line. Everyone who played was 100% committed to the cause and it was still a good team effort that we kept playing and tackling up to the final whistle. Man of the match was Cyrille, with Mickie A and Andy getting joint second and Matt P was third. Team - Johan, Matt P, Mark R, Crispin, Mickie A, Nicolas, Cyrille, Jens, Paul M, Nick B, Chris, Andy, Jesper, Eric, Fabien, Malcolm, Charlie. A true story? On Sunday 14th March this year, Spain played Romania at home in the first of the IRB Rugby World Cup European Zone preliminaries. Half way through the first half, the Spanish prop forward was sent off for stamping on the Romanian fly half. The Romanian was taken off the field for treatment to two wounds, a head wound and a leg wound. After the physio had tried to staunch the flow of blood to the head wound, and failed, he called for an ambulance to get the fly half into hospital. At the hospital, a broken knife blade was removed from the fly half's leg. He was allowed home from hospital and flew home a few days later. The prop forward was arrested for attempted murder by the Spanish Police in Pamplona. However, the fly half continually denied any wrong-doing, a plea which was supported by video evidence. A short while later, the fly half withdrew from the Romanian team to play Portugal, complaining of headaches. It was thought he had banged his head in a club match the previous weekend. He collapsed at his home, and was rushed to hospital. X-Rays showed a .22 calibre bullet lodged in his brain. The entrance wound had been stitched by a Spanish doctor in the belief that it had been caused by a boot stud. The prop forward was then questioned by Spanish police about the bullet...the truth was much more surreal. Apparently, the fly half had received death threats before the Spanish game via post. He laughed them off until fifteen minutes into the game he felt what he thought was a bee sting on the back of his head. He felt the wound and found that he was bleeding. Not knowing what had happened, he continued until four minutes later when the incident with the prop forward occurred. The prop forward played for Bilbao in the Basque country. He had received a letter before the match saying that unless he helped with the murder of the fly half, his family would be murdered. He was told that someone on the pitch would kill the Romanian. All he had to do was to "rough up" the Romanian to allow a doctor on to the pitch. This is what he was attempting to do when he was called aside by the ref. Only, he had done nothing up to that point. Spanish authorities, investigating the incidents found that: 1. The fly half was targeted because he had been "seeing" (euphemism) the daughter of a known local gangster the year before while he played for another team in Spain. She was pregnant. 2. The knife wound was administered by a stretcher assistant. The knife used was a special type favoured by the local mob, where the blade is intended to break inside the wound. 3. The bullet was fired from the crowd by a hired assassinÉhired by Inja Felipe de Campostilla because she was pregnant. All the suspects have now been rounded up and the case continues. Spanish authorities also want to extradite the fly half, since the young "lady" in question was just 14 years old at the time of the incident. Joke The team captain was in his local pub one night drinking a pint of Mullins when he noticed the landlord's dog behind the bar, contentedly licking its privates. He laughed and said to the landlord, 'I wish I could do that!' 'Well', said the landlord, 'give him a biscuit and he might let you.' Match Report - Exiles V Lindø (27-10-99) Score - 7 - 41 (HT 0 - 29) T - Mickie A C - Pete The last game of the season for the Exiles and it had been a hard first half of the 99/00 season as the Exiles were yet to win a league game. The Exiles were looking to start the game with a bang, as they themselves knew the journey over from Lindø needed to be run off in the early stages of the game. So the team talk before the game was to hit Lindø hard in the first twenty minutes and throw their game plan out of kilter. But in typical Exiles fashion, this idea was not followed at all and in fact the opposite happened. Lindø started off much the stronger, with lineouts and scrums going Lindøs way and within five minutes they had scored a try and converted it. The whole of the first half was pretty much the same, with Lindø steam rolling the Exiles with three further tries, two of which were converted, along with a drop goal (Obviously the fly-half had been watching too much of the World cup) left the half-time score at 0-29. The second half started much more positively for the exiles, the scrum improved immensely once Mickie A had moved from No. 8 to second row and the Exiles started to take their own ball on and make some ground. Unfortunately after a good period of pressure, Lindø managed to get a break away converted try, to put themselves even further in front. But once again the Exiles rallied and again managed to get themselves camped in the Lindø half for a sustained period after some good rucking and a nice move involving both forwards and backs enabled Mickie to crash over for a much deserved try, which was converted by Pete. With Lindø scoring once more at the death it left the final score at 7-41. The second half was very good from the Exiles and in fact they only lost it 7-12. Two lessons that can be learnt from this half season, are that training is now even more important than it was, this is not to do with fitness as we have to work on this personally, it is the fact that we need to work on drills and moves at training. The second is that we can live in the first division, the Exiles lost both games to Speed by narrow margins and two halves of each of the Lindø games were very close. I feel we can take heart from these games and build on them for the future. Man of the match was Nigel with four votes, second was Mickie and joint third was Cyrille and Jon O. Team - Tim C, Tod, Johan, Mark R, Crispin, Mickie A, Cyrille, Nicolas, Matt P, Jon O, Nigel, Mark L, Cliffy, Malcolm, Eric, Pete, Jens and Fabien. Tour 2000 to Amsterdam and Copenhagen Having helped with a couple of tours while secretary of the Exiles many moons ago I have taken it upon myself to arrange a tour to Europe for my current club, the Village Lions, (www.villagelions.com). The trip will probably be for about 10 days towards the beginning of June starting off in Amsterdam for the first weekend and then taking a coach to Copenhagen mid-week with a view to perhaps playing Speed on the Wednesday evening and the Exiles on the Saturday, returning to New York on the Sunday, after we hope, a major piss-up Saturday night. Initial response from the Lions has been very encouraging and with Matt King's and others help we definitely have a tour in the making. The standard of the Lions may be a little superior to the Exiles but as a touring side you're bound to stuff us. I'm sure the Exiles will extend to us the same kind of hospitality as they have always done to make this a trip to remember. We're looking forward to seeing you all then. On another note, you might also be interested to hear that Chris "the Cardinal" Gunsten, a couple of other Lions and I will be attempting a GOD on Saturday December 3 in a couple of weeks to make up for my appalling attempt while in Budapest ... the least said about that the better. They'll be pictures this time you can be sure, whatever the consequences. [For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, a GOD is 20 Cardinal Puffs completed successfully consecutively between 12:00 noon and 12:00 midnight.] Have a great Annual Dinner, wish I could join you all. Tim Tuohy Important notice The club’s annual general meeting will be held on Friday January 28 starting at 18:30. Venue to be announced. It is important you attend this meeting to have your say and vote in next years committee. Only paid-up members are eligable to vote so see Johan if you’re have a conscience. |
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